Affirmative words

Valentine's day is a day to celebrate love. There are diverse views on the meaning of love and what today represents, however, will talk about showing love by being specific in the things we say. We deliberately choose the way we speak, and one thing that makes a happy relationship is cherishing our spouse with our words.

An early church father John Chrysostom once said to husbands, “Never call her by her name alone, but with terms of endearment also, with honour, with much love. If you honour her, she won’t require honour from others; she won’t desire that praise that others give if she enjoys the praise that comes from you. Prefer her before all others, in every way, both for her beauty and for her sensitivity, and praise her"

 Most people are very specific when criticising their spouse. We hear things like “have you seen how fat you are- look at that tummy?” “It drives me crazy that you laugh so loud or stop laughing like a witch”. “You are so lazy -just look at this house”. “What horrible hairstyle". "Why is your make up is too much- you look ugly?”.“This food is salty you just can't cook etc. However, when it comes to praising their spouse they keep it in their hearts and not say anything. Why is it that when the food is delicious the spouse gets no words of appreciation? We should verbalise positive things and that means being specific and intentional with our words. It means so much more to your spouse when you say “You look gorgeous in that dress, your hair is lovely tonight!” than a general -“you are okay" when she asks about how she looks. As heartfelt praise cannot be overdone learn to use specific words of genuine appreciation 

Think about why are you are in love with your spouse; about what you admire in him/her; about what makes you smile when they come to mind and tell them.

If your husband /wife doesn’t hear encouraging words from you, who will they hear it from? It is your responsibility to be their main encourager once you get married. It is part of your job to support and encourage your spouse. If the only or the main encouragement they get is from in-laws, church groups, children's, or even their best friends- then there is something wrong. You should be your spouse's main encourager, chief supporter, and advocate. Always speak specific kind words to them.

When specific and encouraging things are said to our spouse we reinforce that good attribute. Saying things like “I appreciate your integrity; I love seeing you so happy; your kindness is remarkable”, registers in the mind and makes your spouse more likely to keep the good. This valentine if you want a better relationship with your spouse, find something good and reinforce it specifically and verbally.